Why You’re Not in the Mood for Sex (And How to Fix It): Insights from a Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
I’m Erinn, your Philadelphia Sex Therapist & Intimacy Coach and I’m here today to help you discover how to get in the mood again.
Why You’re Not In the Mood (and What Can Help)
Your Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
Why You’re Not in the Mood for Sex—and Why That Makes So Much Sense
If you’ve been feeling like sex is just another chore lately, you’re not alone—and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. Let’s be honest—society (and sometimes even our partners, without realizing it) has made us believe that if we’re not constantly in the mood for sex, there’s something wrong with us. But here’s the truth: that’s simply not the case. Your brain and body are doing exactly what they’re supposed to do. It’s just that sometimes, they’re doing something different than you’d like them to.
Understanding Low Desire: Your Brain’s 3 Key Switches
When it comes to desire, your brain is working with three main switches that either turn your sex drive on or off. I call these the 3 Es: Expecting, Enjoying, and Eagerness. Let’s break down what they mean and why they’re so important.
The Expecting Switch: What Your Brain Predicts
Your brain is constantly predicting what’s going to happen next based on what’s happening right now. Think of it like Pavlov’s dogs—you get a cue, and your brain expects a specific outcome. For example, if sex hasn’t been fun or has felt pressured, your brain starts to link intimacy with stress instead of pleasure. So, when you think about sex, your brain says, “No thanks. Been there, done that, not fun.”
The Enjoying Switch: Your Brain’s Reward System
This switch is all about pleasure. When you do something enjoyable, like eating your favorite meal, your brain sends a “Yes, more of this!” signal. But when sex hasn’t been enjoyable or feels like a chore, your brain is more likely to say “Nope, don’t want that.” If this switch isn’t being activated, it’s no wonder your desire feels stuck.
The Eagerness Switch: Your Brain’s Gas Pedal
The eagerness switch is what makes you want more of something. It’s like the gas pedal in your brain, moving you toward what you crave. But here’s the catch—when you’re stressed or feeling pressured, your brain’s eagerness switch isn’t thinking about intimacy; it’s focused on survival and safety. So, if you’re not feeling eager for sex, that’s your brain protecting you.
Why Low Desire Happens (And How to Change It)
Now that you understand the 3 switches, it’s easy to see why your brain might not be signaling for sex right now. If sex hasn’t been enjoyable, if you’ve felt guilt or pressure, or if stress is taking over, your brain is doing exactly what it’s supposed to: protecting you from more stress.
The good news? There’s nothing wrong with you. Your brain just needs a little help shifting those associations—so instead of linking sex with stress or obligation, it can start linking it with fun, connection, and pleasure.
How an Intimacy Coach & Sex Therapist in Philadelphia Can Help You Reignite Your Desire
As an intimacy coach and sex therapist in Philadelphia, I’ve worked with countless women who feel exactly like this—disconnected, uninterested, and unsure how to get their desire back. The truth is, once we start working on these 3 key switches, intimacy becomes SO much easier and more enjoyable. You’ll go from dreading it to actually looking forward to it.
Remember, you’re not broken, and you deserve better than just “getting through” intimacy. You deserve connection, passion, and excitement—just like in the early days. And with the right support, we can help you get there.
Discover How to Increase Low Desire: Download my FREE guide from your favorite Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
If you’re interested in individual sex therapy in Philadelphia or couples therapy in Philadelphia, you can read more about how I can help with both by clicking their links.
My specialties include low sex drive, differential desires, communication, managing sexual stress and pressure, and increasing connection.
