Why Fixing Your Love Life Isn’t Your Job Alone: Insights from a Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
I’m Erinn, your Philadelphia Sex Therapist & Intimacy Coach and I’m here today to help you with low libido.
Why you can’t, and shouldn’t, do this alone:
Your Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
Are You Tired of Carrying the Emotional Load and Blame?
If you’re feeling like fixing your sex life is entirely on your shoulders, you’re not alone. Many women struggle with the same overwhelming questions:
“Why am I the only one trying to fix this?”
“Why can’t I fix this no matter how hard I try?”
“Why is he not trying to help?”
This constant mental and emotional weight can feel like a dripping faucet in your mind—relentless, exhausting, and impossible to ignore. But the truth is, you can’t fix a two-person problem on your own.
As a sex therapist in Philadelphia, I’ve worked with countless women who feel exactly this way. Let me share one of their stories to help you see that not only are you not alone, but there’s also a way forward.
Kalyn’s Story: From Overwhelmed to Empowered
When Kalyn first reached out, she was overwhelmed, exhausted, and frustrated. She’d been trying to repair the intimacy in her marriage for years, but it always felt like she was the only one doing the work.
Kalyn shared:
"I was scared that if I couldn’t fix this, I’d lose him—not to divorce, but because the distance was growing so fast and I couldn’t stop it. He felt unloved, and I resented him for waiting on me to “fix” this and not helping. The pressure was eating me alive because I didn’t know what else to do because I had tried everything I thought would help."
Her husband wasn’t ignoring the issues in their relationship; he simply didn’t know how to approach them. He didn’t understand what she needed or how to support her, and his uncertainty made her feel even more isolated.
Insights From a Philadelphia Sex Therapist: Why You Can’t Do This Alone
Kalyn’s story is all too familiar. Many women try to tackle relationship challenges alone because they believe it’s their responsibility. But here’s the truth:
You’re not broken. The issues in your relationship are not a reflection of your worth.
Your husband needs to be part of the solution. Often, men want to help but don’t know how to show up in the right way.
Carrying the full load will lead to resentment. When one partner feels responsible for all the emotional labor, it creates an imbalance that can harm the relationship further.
Kalyn realized this when we began working together. She stopped blaming herself and started communicating what she needed.
How Kalyn Found Balance
Kalyn had tried everything to rekindle their connection: conversation starter decks, date-night scratch-off books, and endlessly trying the “fake it ‘til you make it” method. But nothing worked because she was tackling it alone.
Here’s what changed:
She stopped carrying the emotional burden by herself.
She learned how to communicate her needs in a way her husband could understand.
He stepped up because he finally had a roadmap for how to help.
Kalyn shared:
"I thought fixing this was my responsibility because I was the one with low libido. What I didn’t realize was that my husband wanted to help but felt like everything he did made it worse. Once we had a plan, we stopped feeling like we were fighting each other and started working as a team."
What You Can Learn From Kalyn’s Transformation
If you’re feeling stuck, scared, or resentful, know that there’s a way out. The first step is understanding that this isn’t your fault—and it isn’t something you can or should fix alone.
Here’s what can help:
Understanding the Root Causes: Low desire is often linked to hormonal imbalance, exhaustion, or emotional disconnect, not a lack of love or attraction.
Creating a Team Approach: Your partner needs to understand his role and how to support you without adding to your mental load.
Building a Clear Plan: With guidance, you can create a roadmpa of actionable steps that work for both of you.
Final Thoughts from a Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
You’re not broken, and you’re not alone. Many couples face the same challenges, but the key to moving forward is to stop carrying the weight by yourself.
Working with a sex therapist in Philadelphia can help you and your partner reconnect, communicate effectively, and reignite the intimacy you’ve been missing. Remember, this isn’t about blame—it’s about finding balance and working together as a team.
Kalyn did it, and so can you.
Insights from a Sex Therapist in Philadelphia: Download your FREE guide to increase low libido
If you’re interested in individual sex therapy in Philadelphia or couples therapy in Philadelphia, you can read more about how I can help with both by clicking their links.
My specialties include low sex drive, differential desires, communication, managing sexual stress and pressure, and increasing connection.
