Sex Therapist in Philadelphia Explains: Is It Low Libido or a Pleasure Problem?

I’m Erinn, your Philadelphia Sex Therapist & Intimacy Coach and I’m here today to help you with low libido.

Why It Might Not Be Low Libido: Your Sex Therapist in Philadelphia

Let’s get one thing straight: you’re not broken. If sex feels like a chore, it’s not because you have “low desire”—it’s because you’re not enjoying yourself. And who would want to do something that feels stressful, unenjoyable, or downright frustrating?

As a sex therapist in Philadelphia, I’ve helped countless women navigate this exact issue. Let’s dive into why this happens and what you can do about it.

Why a Sex Therapist in Philadelphia Says Unpleasurable Sex Is the Real Problem

Many women have been conditioned to believe that intimacy is just another chore on their to-do list. They tolerate sex that doesn’t feel good, thinking it’s “normal” because they’ve never been taught otherwise. But here’s the truth: unpleasurable sex is NOT normal, and it’s certainly not something you have to put up with.

When sex isn’t enjoyable, it’s not about low desire. It’s about avoiding something that feels stressful, disconnected, or even painful. And the solution isn’t trying to force yourself to “want sex more.” It’s about addressing the root cause: why it’s not enjoyable in the first place.

When intimacy becomes pleasurable, desire often follows naturally. Imagine looking forward to those moments again, not because you feel obligated, but because you genuinely enjoy them.

What Causes a Pleasure Problem, According to a Sex Therapist in Philadelphia

Pleasure problems often stem from multiple factors that can compound over time:

1. Stress and Overwhelm: When your mind is racing with to-do lists and worries, it’s nearly impossible to relax enough to enjoy intimacy.

2. Hormonal Imbalances: High cortisol levels from stress, or fluctuations in estrogen and testosterone, can make it harder to feel aroused or connected.

3. Lack of Connection: Intimacy thrives on emotional closeness. If you’re feeling distant from your partner, it can feel impossible to want physical closeness.

4. Uninspiring Foreplay: Let’s be honest—if foreplay is rushed or nonexistent, it’s not exactly setting the mood. Many partners don’t realize what their wives need to truly feel turned on.

Here’s the kicker: this isn’t just your responsibility to fix. Intimacy is a partnership, and solving this problem requires both of you to work together to create an experience that’s enjoyable for you both.

5 Questions to Ask Yourself: Is It Low Libido or a Pleasure Problem?

Use these questions to dig deeper into your experience and figure out what’s really going on:

1. Do I feel stressed or overwhelmed before intimacy?
   Stress hormones shuts down your body’s ability to feel aroused. If your mind is elsewhere, it’s no wonder intimacy doesn’t appeal.

2. Do I feel guilty when I say no?
   Guilt often comes from feeling like you’re letting your partner down, but this guilt isn’t helpful if it stops you from addressing the real issue.

3. Does sex feel like something I should do, not something I want to do?
   Obligation and pleasure don’t mix. When sex feels like a duty, it’s hard to enjoy it.

4. Am I not enjoying myself, even when I try?
   If sex feels uninspiring or even uncomfortable, it’s a sign the focus needs to shift toward what makes you feel good.

5. Do I feel pressure instead of excitement?
   Pressure to perform or meet expectations can kill desire faster than anything else. Intimacy should feel exciting, not stressful.

If these resonate, you’re likely dealing with a pleasure problem, not low libido.

How to Reignite Pleasure in Your Relationship

This isn’t about big, dramatic changes—it’s about small shifts that make a big difference. Here’s how you can start:

1. Foreplay Fuel vs. Foreplay Fail:
   Foreplay is more than just a quick shoulder rub or a rushed kiss. It’s about creating an environment where you feel desired, cared for, and connected. Share with your husband what makes you feel good—whether it’s slower touch, meaningful compliments, or even just having time to relax together before diving in.

2. Communication is Key:
   Talk openly with your partner about what you need to feel connected. This isn’t about blaming anyone—it’s about working together to create an experience you both enjoy.

3. Prioritize Pleasure Over Pressure:
   Take the pressure off by focusing on what feels good in the moment, rather than worrying about the end result.

4. Experiment with What Works:
   Don’t be afraid to try new things. What worked in the past might not work now, and that’s okay. Exploring together can be part of the fun.The Expecting Switch: What Your Brain Predicts

   Your brain is constantly predicting what’s going to happen next based on what’s happening right now. Think of it like Pavlov’s dogs—you get a cue, and your brain expects a specific outcome. For example, if sex hasn’t been fun or has felt pressured, your brain starts to link intimacy with stress instead of pleasure. So, when you think about sex, your brain says, “No thanks. Been there, done that, not fun.”

The Role of a Sex Therapist in Philadelphia: Helping You Rebalance and Reconnect

As a sex therapist in Philadelphia, my job is to help you uncover what’s really holding you back from enjoying intimacy and guide you toward solutions that work. Here’s what that might look like:

1. Hormone Balancing:
   If stress hormonal imbalances are at play, we’ll explore strategies to help your body feel more in sync with your mind.

2. Stress Reduction Techniques:
   Intimacy starts outside the bedroom. By soothing your nervous system, we create the foundation for connection.

3. Communication Strategies:
   I’ll teach you how to have open, productive conversations with your partner about intimacy, so you both feel like you’re on the same team.

4. Practical Tools You Can Use Now:
   From mindfulness exercises to actionable techniques, I provide you with real tools that make intimacy feel easier and more enjoyable.

The goal isn’t just to fix the problem—it’s to transform your relationship so intimacy feels effortless, enjoyable, and deeply connecting.

Discover How to Increase Low Desire: Download my FREE guide from your favorite Sex Therapist in Philadelphia

If you’re interested in individual sex therapy in Philadelphia or couples therapy in Philadelphia, you can read more about how I can help with both by clicking their links.

My specialties include low sex drive, differential desires, communication, managing sexual stress and pressure, and increasing connection.