Talk Dirty to Me Part 5: Why talking about sex can lead to better sex

Part 5: The Outside Influences Talk

I’m Erinn, your Philadelphia sex therapist and couples therapist, and today I’m bringing you the conclusion of the 5 part series Talk Dirty to Me: Why talking about sex can lead to better sex.

Watch the video here.

Part 1: The Health Talk- watch video, read blog

Part 2: The Frequency Talk- watch video, read blog

Part 3: The Likes/Dislikes Talk- watch video, read blog

Part 4: The Desire Talk- watch video, read blog

Talk Dirty to Me: Talk about sex to increase sex drive, desire, and have better sex

Today we’re bringing it all to a close with the outside influences talk. This talk is a little bit broader than the others, more ongoing, and can help you talk about and plan for the unexpected when it comes to your sex life. As a sex therapist in Philadelphia, I know how important it is to navigate the unknowns, when difficulties happen, or when you’re distracted by day-to-day life.

Because sometimes you might be planning for or want to have sex, but the stars aren’t aligned for you. It’s okay, that happens. This talk is all about being honest and navigating these things with your partner so when they arise you can be a team and still stay connected.

Example: Stress response kills sex drive 

For example, take stress. I think we all know what it feels like to be stressed, right? During sex therapy, I talk about stress all the time because stress happens all. the. time. Talk with your partner about what you tend to need in times of stress and how you can stay connected and intimate, even if that doesn’t include sex in that moment. Staying connected and maintaining communication lay a solid foundation so you can support each other through difficulties and then come “cum ;)) together afterward. But if there’s a lack of support or understanding for what you need when you’re stressed, chances are that’ll be a hit to your sex drive because now instead of bringing you together it’s a disconnect.

Better sex = more communication

Sometimes other things happen too, like starting new birth control (see the health talk for this one), your work is super demanding and draining, or maybe the holidays are coming up and your family stresses you out, whatever it is. Any one of these can wreak havoc on your sex drive and I’d guess you probably have a few things going on, at any given time in your life, that are impacting your sex drive. So talk with your partner about how you’ll navigate differences in desire, how to keep communication open, and how to stay connected sexually in a way that works for both of you. A lot of my work as a sex therapist is helping couples start to and continue communicating and working as a team in the bedroom because that’s what leads to good, ongoing sex and intimacy.

Now, there’s no way to plan for all the unknowns of the future. That’s not what this talk is about. This talk is about how you’ll communicate, troubleshoot, and continue to have great sex, even as day-to-day life happens. It’s about brainstorming how you can stay connected and prioritize intimacy, even on the tough days or when things feel out of whack. And the beauty of this talk is it tends to be more ongoing. Each time something goes haywire, that gives you and your partner an opportunity to trial and error and find what works best for your sex life.

To increase libido, desire, and have better sex, TALK about it!

So there you have it. Those are the talks! Today we covered the outside influence talk which is all about creative teamwork. There’s the health talk, which is all about navigating sexy vs unsexy times. There’s the frequency talk, which is about exploring how often you want to have sex. There’s the likes/dislikes talk, which is all about how giving direction makes it easier to please. And the desire talk, which helps you navigate building a better sex life, regardless of if you have spontaneous or responsive desire.

So I hope you found these talks helpful. And please feel free to come back to them at any time, even if you’ve had them before. As a sex therapist, I can confidently say that very time you talk openly about sex with your partner and work toward better sex, the world, and your sex life, gets a little better.

Free Sex Therapy call in Philadelphia, PA

If you’re interested in learning more about increasing comfort with talking about sex, click here and we can set up a 15 min phone chat. I’d be happy to learn more about your individual experiences and help you figure out how to choose the best sex therapist for you. If you’re interested in individual sex therapy in Philadelphia or couples therapy in Philadelphia, you can read more about how I can help with both by clicking their links.

My specialties include low sex drive, differential desires, communication, managing sexual stress and pressure, and increasing connection.