Talk Dirty to Me Part 2: Why talking about sex can lead to better sex
Part 2: The Frequency Talk
I’m Erinn, your Philadelphia sex therapist and couples therapist, and today I’m back with part 2 of 5 in the series Talk Dirty to Me: Why talking about sex can lead to better sex.
Watch the video here.
Part 1: The Health Talk- watch video, read blog
Talk Dirty to Me: Talk about sex MORE for better sex and desire
Last week we covered the health talk and how talking about things like sleep, diet, and overall health can help you and your partner navigate when might be sexy times, and when might not be. I hope those conversations went well and have helped you feel a little more at comfortable and ease when talking about sex.
For better sex: The Frequency Talk
Today I’m bringing you the frequency talk. This is all about how often you want to have sex. Now, everyone has their own unique sex drive so your partner’s sex drive might be a little bit, or even a lot different than yours. This is natural and pretty common in relationships and something us sex therapists see often.
For starters, with this talk, I’d encourage you to be aware of any judgment that comes up. There’s no gold standard for sex drive and how often you “should be having sex” because everyone and every relationship is different. As a sex therapist in Philadelphia, clients will ask me how often they should aim to have sex and that’s a question I can’t answer because it’s not up to me. There are stats out there talking about averages for how often people are having sex, but I’d encourage you to look internally, not externally, to find what’s right for you. Having sex according to someone else’s standards can set you up for failure and lead to a lot of disappointment and frustration.
Less judgment = better sex, more desire, and helps increase sex drive
Something else that’s helpful to be aware of during this conversation is the language you’re using so that it’s positive and brings you and your partner together. Instead of saying things like someone has a high drive or a low drive, use language like higher and lower. They’re not as labeling and communicate less judgment.
Try to avoid thinking about your sex drive as better or worse depending on if it’s higher or lower than your partner’s. Thinking and talking about them in this way can be really stressful and lead to a lot of that self-judgment that gets in the way of having good sex.
Self-acceptance helps increase libido
And remember it’s not about comparing yourself to others or changing your sex drive, it’s about being honest with yourself, and your partner, about what’s right for you so you can find the perfect balance together. So in the next week or so try this talk out! Be honest and brainstorm together so you can find common ground and engage in sex at a frequency that works for you both. This will lead to more fun, excitement, and engagement during sex because you’re both on the same page and working together. It also takes out the guesswork and just makes it easier to be a team.
Free Sex Therapy call in Philadelphia, PA
If you’re interested in learning more about how your sex drive, click here and we can set up a 15 min phone chat. I’d be happy to learn more about your individual experiences and help you figure out how to choose the best sex therapist for you. If you’re interested in individual sex therapy in Philadelphia or couples therapy in Philadelphia, you can read more about how I can help with both by clicking their links.
My specialties include low sex drive, differential desires, communication, managing sexual stress and pressure, and increasing connection.