Sex and the New Year: 5 tips to set your intentions for better sex
I’m Erinn, your couples therapist and sex therapist in Philadelphia. Let’s talk sex and the new year today and how to set some intentions to start your sex year off right.
Watch the video here.
Sex and the New Year: Set Your Intentions
This is a great time to make new starts and shift things that aren’t working for you because of something called the fresh start effect, which is that we’re more likely to take action during times we deem important: Mondays, the first of the month, the first of the year. So, since this natural time is happening, use it to your advantage!
5 tips to help you set sex intentions to increase desire and have better sex
Identify what you’d like to be different about sex
The first tip in setting your sex intentions for the new year is to reflect on what you’d like to be different. To do this, think back about some not-so-great experiences this last year. And think about the details, like how you felt physically, the environment you were in and what that felt like the connection with your partner, and the types of sexual activity that were or were not happening. And as you’re going, jot down some notes about what made these experiences less than sexy or ideal. Reflecting on these can help you identify themes of what to avoid or decrease for better sex.
Reflect on recent sexual successes
Then, the second tip is to reflect on the sex successes from the past year. Depending on your current sex life, these may be a little difficult to identify, which is totally ordinary, but think about times you felt connected, or a little more interested in sex, or just felt confident and connected to yourself. Again, I want you to really think about the details, like what made you feel confident, what was going on that day when you felt more desire, and how were you and your partner connecting. And again, jot down notes and look for themes. These can help you identify what felt good and worked for you, which can help give you ideas of what to incorporate or do more of leading up to or during sex so you have better experiences.
Think about specific sex things you’d like to change
And then, the third tip is to reflect on the specifics of what you’d like to change. Take a look at the themes for tips 1 and 2 and see if there’s an overlap. For example, you may notice that times you weren’t feeling confident resulted in sex that wasn’t so great, but when sex was good, you were feeling yourself. Or the house was too cold and that distracted you, but when you were warm and cozy, you felt more comfortable and engaged. Whatever the theme is, this gives you a specific thing to focus on. In the first example, it’s confidence. Boosting confidence and doing more of what makes you feel good can result in more confidence in the bedroom. In the second example, it’s just making the environment more comfortable. So, identify 2-3 themes for you and what shifts would set the stage for better sex.
Make a list of your strengths
Then, I want you to incorporate tip 4 by highlighting your strengths. Because only focusing on what you want to change or what’s not going well can be reallyyyyyy draining. So, to avoid this and help motivate yourself as much as possible, bring in your strengths. They can be specific to sex, but don’t need to be. They can be your ability to problem solve or how you handle frustrations or whatever. So make a list you can reference of at least 5 strengths. When you’re feeling stuck get this out because in those times it can be hard to keep perspective but reminding yourself of your strengths can help you get moving again.
Talk to your partner about sex
The fifth and final tip is to talk with your partner. Talk to them about the themes you identify and what your sex hopes are for the coming year and some ideas of how to get there. Share these tips with them and do this together so you get a better idea of what they’d like also. And talking about sex can be tough so use these tips to give you some structure and a jumping-off point. Because if you can work together in pursuit of both your sex goals, it can help you feel more motivated and supported.
I hope these tips help you in setting some awesome sex intentions for next year so have some fun with them and go start this new year off right.
Free Sex Therapy call in Philadelphia, PA
If you want to learn more about how to set intentions with your sex drive and desire for better sex, click here and we can set up a 15 min phone chat. I’d be happy to learn more about your individual experiences and help you figure out if sex therapy would be helpful for you. If you’re interested in individual sex therapy in Philadelphia or couples therapy in Philadelphia, you can read more about how I can help with both by clicking their links.
My specialties include low sex drive, differential desires, communication, managing sexual stress and pressure, and increasing connection.
