Sex and the Holidays: 5 tips to help you with sex this time of year

I’m Erinn, your couples therapist and sex therapist in Philadelphia, and today I’m back with Part 3 and the conclusion of the Sex and the Holidays Series. I’m going to share tips with you today to help manage expectations around sex during this time of year.

Watch the video here.

Part 1: 5 tips to help you and your partner manage stress- watch video, read blog

Part 2: 5 tips to help you and your partner boost connection- watch video, read blog

Sex and the Holidays: Desire can still thrive

Part 1 focused on how to manage stressors that can arise during the holiday season and part 2 covered how to help you and your partner stay connected. This part focuses more specifically on sex and how to set realistic expectations for sex during this time so neither of you feels disconnected or alone.

Because let’s be honest, sex during the holidays can look a little different. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong, but acknowledging this and working together as a team can help you and your partner stay better connected in this area.

5 tips to help you manage sexpectations for the holiday season so you can increase desire and boost sex drive

1. Be realistic

   Connecting with sex during the holidays can be tough. Schedules are out of whack, you may be traveling or have family staying with you, there’s a lot of great food but that food may not leave you feeling super sexy, whatever. Instead of letting this frustrate you and in turn feel disconnected from your partner, be realistic that this period of time may be and feel different. That’s okay. It won’t last forever. Talk to each other about what intimacy might look like with all the things going on during the holiday season, and see part 2, if you haven’t already, for some ideas on how to boost connection and be honest with each other.

2. Acknowledge there may be stress

   The holidays are a great time, but they can also cause extra stress with gift-giving, travel, and a busy schedule. It’s natural to feel an increase in stress, which can also mean a decrease in sex drive. Instead of ignoring the added stress, acknowledge it. Ignoring it doesn’t do anything with it and give it anywhere to go, whereas if you acknowledge it, you can do something about it. And talking with your partner about the things that are causing you both stress gives you two heads, and more ideas when brainstorming what would help. That way when the holidays are over, you’ve already worked to manage some of that stress so you can get back into the sexy swing of things quicker and easier.

3. Communicate

   Talk to each other. Seems easy right? But I mean really talk to each other about sex, intimacy, and some of the disruptions you feel during this time of year. No one is a mind reader so the more you talk with your partner about how you’re feeling, what you want, and how you want to connect, sexually or otherwise, the easier it is for them to meet your needs. And vice versa.

4. Be patient

   The holidays can feel like a whirlwind. A lot is happening in a short amount of time and while that can be exciting, it can also feel a little overwhelming at times. Be patient with yourself and your partner and recognize things won’t always be like this. There will soon be a time when things are quieter and calmer, and you have more time and energy to devote to time just for you two and for sex. This can help on days when you’re longing for more intimacy, as that time is right around the corner, but how you connect and communicate now will either set the stage for that or shut that down, which leads me to 5.

5. Be kind

   First and foremost, to yourself. Getting caught up in the judgments that can come up about not having time or energy to have sex, feeling distracted, or just not having the opportunity isn’t going to help anyone, especially you. Like I’ve said a few times today, remember, it won’t always be like this. This can be a fun, exciting time of year, but it also goes by fast and you’ll be back to your regular routine very soon. So be kind to yourself. And to your partner. They may be having their own struggles navigating sex around the holidays so slow down and use tip 3 to communicate and check in with each other.

The holidays bring a lot of excitement and fun, and along with that some stress and chaos. All are okay. The best thing you and your partner can do is take it one day at a time, talk to each other about what you’re thinking and feeling, connect when you can, and prioritize what’s important to you both. What you do now, during the holiday season can impact your sex life when the holidays are over, which can either be helpful or hurtful. So focus on what brings you together, take advantage of some new or different ways to connect right now, work as a team, and go have some fun.

Free Sex Therapy call in Philadelphia, PA

If you want to learn more about how the holidays impact your sex drive and desire, click here and we can set up a 15 min phone chat. I’d be happy to learn more about your individual experiences and help you figure out if sex therapy would be helpful for you. If you’re interested in individual sex therapy in Philadelphia or couples therapy in Philadelphia, you can read more about how I can help with both by clicking their links.

My specialties include low sex drive, differential desires, communication, managing sexual stress and pressure, and increasing connection.