Does better sleep lead to better sex? 10 tips from your Philadelphia Sex Therapist
I’m Erinn, your Philadelphia Sex Therapist & Sexual Wellness Coach and today I’m helping you get better sleep for better sex because absolutely YES better sleep leads to better sexual response.
Getting Better Sleep For Better Sex: Your Philadelphia Sex Therapist
Sleep is SUCH a basic need, yet many of us struggle to get the 8 hours we need. If you find yourself tossing and turning at night, struggling to fall asleep, or waking up groggy, you're not alone.
Did you know lack of sleep not only wreaks havoc on your ability to handle stress, your patience, and your ability to concentrate, but ALSO on your sex life?!
Fatigue is the #1 reason women say no to sex and it’s no, it’s not because we’re lazy or gatekeeping. It’s because fatigue LITERALLY suppresses sex hormones.
In short, being tired = no sex drive.
Instead of trying to have better sex right now, start with your sleep schedule. If it’s a mess, all the great work you put into intimacy is only going to get you so far. Make your life easier by starting with the foundation: your sleep.
10 Tips to Get Better Sleep for Better Sex: Philadelphia Sex Therapist
Get on a Fricken’ Schedule
Your body operates on a natural circadian rhythm, and sticking to a consistent sleep schedule helps regulate this internal clock. Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends. Over time, this can improve the quality of your sleep.
Optimize Your Environment
Your bedroom plays a crucial role in your sleep quality. Make sure it's dark, quiet, and cool. Consider blackout curtains, earplugs, and a comfortable mattress and pillows. And don’t do anything in bed besides sleep and sex if you’re struggling to sleep. The more you do in the bedroom, the more confusing it is for your mind to figure out what to do in that environment. You want your brain to associate the bedroom with relaxation and sleep so don’t work or scroll the internet in bed.
Put That Phone Away
The blue light emitted by phones, TVs, and computers can disrupt your body's production of melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep. Push electronic devices at least an hour before bedtime. I know, we’re addicted to our phones but this is a small shift that can make a world of difference. So, ask yourself, is mindlessly scrolling the internet or your quality of life and sex life more important? The answer, my friend, is obvious.
Breeeeeathe
Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation, can help calm your mind and reduce anxiety before bedtime. This can make it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep. These techniques also help connect you to your body, making it easier to feel connected to yourself during sex.
Limit Caffeine and Alcohol (I know, I know, but trust me)
I know this may be hard, but don’t drink caffeine after noon if you want to sleep better and limit alcohol altogether, or at least try to limit this to the weekends. These disrupt sleep patterns and even though you may feel you fall asleep easily with either of these in your system, the reality is that you don’t sleep well. So even if you sleep for many hours, you’ll still feel fatigued. And that fatigue fucks with your body’s ability to release sex hormones.
Move That Body (during the day)
Regular physical activity can improve your sleep quality. But it’s important to finish exercising at least a few hours before bedtime, as working out too close to bedtime can lead to having too much energy to sleep. You want to get that blood flowing during the day (again, good for sexual response) but slow it down at night.
Manage Stress
High-stress levels can make it difficult to unwind and fall asleep. This leads to the feeling that your body is exhausted but you just can’t turn your mind off. Try stress-reduction techniques such as spending some time outside, journaling, talking to a friend, and cuddling your pets. And again, limit your time mindlessly scrolling at night. It can stress you out and the blue light isn’t doing you any favors (see tip 3)
No Naps
It’s tempting to nap when you’re exhausted but what typically happens when we nap when fatigued is we take longer naps than we mean to. 30 min power naps can be helpful but if you’re struggling to sleep, avoid these. You want your sleep inertia to build (the pressure to sleep) so you can fall asleep more easily at night and get back on a normal schedule. The more out of whack your sleep-wake cycle, the harder this is on your sex drive.
Avoid Clock-Watching
Constantly checking the clock can create anxiety about not getting enough sleep. You start doing all the math: If I fall asleep now, I can get 5 hours of sleep, well now if I fall asleep right now, I can get 4 and a half hours… It’s a losing game so don’t play with this simple fix: Turn any clocks away from your line of sight or cover it if necessary. Or put your phone away if you don’t have any actual clocks. Simple as that, just don’t look at the time.
Better Mornings Lead to Better Nights
How you sleep at night is impacted by how you wake up in the morning. For better mornings, get out of bed when your alarm goes off- no snoozing! Get in the sun or at least open your curtains ASAP because the sun helps signal your body it’s daytime and time to get up. Wait to drink coffee for 60 mins (again, I know this can be tough but trust me) because your body releases cortisol, an alertness hormone, on its own when you first get up, and drinking coffee can disrupt your body’s natural ability to wake itself. And stop drinking that coffee by lunchtime. The more you can get your ass moving and alert in the morning, the sooner you start the cycle, the more easily you’ll be able to sleep the next night.
In case you didn’t know, the whole “I’ll catch up on sleep” tonight thing isn’t true.
You can’t just sleep extra hours the next night after a night of shitty sleep and have that erase all the ways lack of sleep affected your system.
So be realistic and kind to yourself through this process. It’s just that, a process. It’s really easy for our sleep cycles to get off and can be really hard to get them back on. The best way to get great sleep is by changing your relationship with it and investing in it. This means small changes over time. Build better sleep habits. Make it a priority and stop letting it fall to the bottom of your priorities.
It really is one of our most basic needs and without it, everything else goes to shit, including your sex life. So you do yourself and your body a favor and reap the benefits of getting good sleep. Sweet dreams!
Discover How to Increase Low Sex Drive with this Free Guide from a Philadelphia Sex Therapist
If you’re interested in individual sex therapy in Philadelphia or couples therapy in Philadelphia, you can read more about how I can help with both by clicking their links.
My specialties include low sex drive, differential desires, communication, managing sexual stress and pressure, and increasing connection.
