5 Proven Ways to Overcome Fear and Rebuild Intimacy, from a Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
I’m Erinn, your Philadelphia Sex Therapist & Coach and today I’m helping you feel the fear, and still do the thing anyway.
Stop Letting Fear Keep You Stuck With Low Desire:
Your Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
Fear: The Hidden Force Keeping You Stuck in Low Desire
We’ve all been there—that gnawing feeling in your stomach, the voice in your head telling you, “You’re not ready yet,” or “What if you fail?” Fear is an incredibly powerful emotion, and when it comes to intimacy and relationships, fear often keeps us frozen, unable to take the steps we need to move forward.
I know this firsthand.
Years ago, I was at a major crossroads in my career. I had the chance to leave a job that drained me every day and start my own practice doing work I was passionate about. But the fear of failure, of stepping out of my comfort zone, kept me stuck. I convinced myself that now wasn’t the right time, and I made excuses, waiting for the “perfect moment.”
Spoiler alert: That perfect moment never came.
It wasn’t until I realized something critical—that fear wasn’t a sign I was making the wrong move, but that I was growing—that I decided to lean into it. Even though I was scared, I took the plunge, and that leap led to some of the biggest breakthroughs in my life, both personally and professionally.
Fear, as uncomfortable as it is, is often a sign of growth. But the longer you let it control your actions (or inactions), the harder it becomes to take that first step. This is especially true when it comes to low desire and intimacy in your marriage.
Is Your Marriage in ‘Maintenance Mode’?
When fear takes over, we convince ourselves that things aren’t “bad enough” to take action yet. It’s Friday night. You and your husband are sitting on the couch, but emotionally, you feel miles apart. You’ve been telling yourself for months, “It’s not that bad—we’ll fix it later.” But the truth is, waiting only makes things harder.
Fear is the silent force that tells you it’s easier to stay in your comfort zone—to avoid the difficult conversations, the uncomfortable truths. But staying in maintenance mode, waiting for the “right time,” means you may never take the steps to rebuild intimacy.
How to Move Through Fear and Rebuild Intimacy – Expert Tips from a Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
If fear is holding you back from addressing low desire or emotional distance in your relationship, it’s time to act. Here are four practical steps you can take right now to break through the fear and start reconnecting with your husband.
Take the First Small Step
One thing that helped me move through fear was realizing I didn’t need to conquer the entire mountain at once. Just take the first small step. Whether that’s sending a text to your husband, starting a conversation, or even reaching out to a therapist, that first action breaks the grip fear has on you.
Why it helps: Taking action, no matter how small, reduces fear’s power and builds momentum. Each step forward proves to yourself that you can move forward despite the fear.Break the Silence
Talking about intimacy, or the lack of it, can feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. But avoiding the conversation only makes the emotional gap wider. Start by telling your husband how you’ve been feeling—even if it’s just a simple check-in. You don’t have to fix everything in one go, but starting the conversation is crucial.
Why it helps: Silence builds tension and resentment. A small, honest conversation can release that tension and lay the foundation for rebuilding intimacy.Don’t Wait for Motivation
It’s easy to think that you’ll feel ready or motivated at some point in the future. But if you keep waiting for that moment, it may never come. Motivation comes after action, not before. Commit to taking action now, whether that’s scheduling a date night or setting up a counseling session, even if you don’t feel fully ready.
Why it helps: Action creates momentum. Once you take the first step, everything else becomes easier to manage.Set a Short-Term, Actionable Goal
Rebuilding intimacy doesn’t mean you need a massive relationship overhaul. Start small. Set a specific, short-term goal like spending one evening each week focused on each other—whether that’s talking, cuddling, or planning a low-pressure date night.
Why it helps: Small goals are manageable and build confidence. Achieving these small wins makes the bigger picture feel more attainable.Invest in Your Relationship:
Set aside time and resources (e.g., time, money, and energy) to invest in workshops, books, or courses about intimacy and relationships.
Why it helps: Active learning and prioritizing your relationship sends a strong message to yourself and your husband that you’re committed to making things work, before they deteriorate.
What Happens When You Stop Letting Fear and Low Desire Control Your Marriage
When you take small steps to confront the fear holding you back, you start to regain control over your intimacy and connection. As a sex therapist in Philadelphia, I’ve worked with countless women who were struggling with low desire and fear of taking action in their marriages. Once they embraced the idea that they didn’t need to wait for the perfect time—or for the fear to disappear entirely—they experienced powerful breakthroughs in their relationships.
You can do the same.
Take Action Today—Even if You’re Scared
The truth is, fear is always going to be a part of the equation. But it doesn’t have to stop you from taking action and building the intimacy and connection you deserve in your marriage.
Don’t wait for things to get worse before you act. Small steps taken now will make a huge difference over time. If you’re ready to address low desire and rebuild your connection, I’m here to help. As a trusted sex therapist in Philadelphia, I can guide you through the process and help you create the relationship you want, without waiting for the fear to fade away.
Discover How to Increase Low Desire: Download your FREE guide now from your Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
If you’re interested in individual sex therapy in Philadelphia or couples therapy in Philadelphia, you can read more about how I can help with both by clicking their links.
My specialties include low sex drive, differential desires, communication, managing sexual stress and pressure, and increasing connection.
