Struggling with Low Desire? Here’s Why You’re Pulling Away from Your Husband’s Touch—and How to Fix It
I’m Erinn, your Philadelphia Sex Therapist & Intimacy Coach and I’m here today to normalize that of COURSE you’re pulling away at your husband’s touch, show you why, and help you discover how to fix it.
Why You're Pulling Away From Affection and How to Fix It
Your Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
I have this vivid memory of standing in the kitchen, just minding my own business, when my partner walked by and playfully smacked my butt.
Normally, that would have been cute… but instead, I froze.
I tensed up, lashed out at him, and the guilt hit me hard.
Why?
Because deep down, I was terrified that if I didn’t shut it down, it would lead to sex—and I just couldn’t handle that. And while this one time stands out in my mind because of my reaction, I know this dynamic played out many, many times between us.
If you’ve ever found yourself pulling away from your husband’s touch, you’re not alone. Low desire is something I see so often in my work as a sex therapist in Philadelphia, and the emotions that come with it—guilt, shame, fear—are overwhelming. You might be wondering, "Why do I react this way? Why can’t I just enjoy his touch?"
Why Women with Low Desire Often Pull Away from Intimacy
When intimacy starts feeling like a burden, it’s often because our bodies are overwhelmed by stress. Day after day, I found myself pulling away from my partner’s affectionate gestures—the moments that once made us feel close now just stressed me out.
I was always on high alert, worried that every little touch would lead to something more. Instead of fun and connection, I was consumed by fear and anxiety. We weren’t a team anymore. He was confused and hurt, and I felt ashamed, disconnected, and distant.
If you’re feeling this way, know that it’s not your fault. The fun and connection that once brought you and your partner together might now feel like tension, but that’s because your body is responding to stress—not because you don’t love or want your partner.
How Stress and Hormones Impact Your Low Desire
When we’re under constant stress, our body releases stress hormones like cortisol. These hormones hijack the systems that would normally fuel desire and arousal. So, when you’re feeling stressed, your body’s priority isn’t intimacy—it’s survival.
The thing is, your body is responding exactly as it should. You are NOT broken. But those stress hormones are blocking your body’s ability to release arousal hormones, which means the natural desire for intimacy is temporarily shut off. And when this happens over and over, it starts to feel like something is wrong with you.
As a sex therapist specializing in low desire, I see this cycle all the time. Low desire isn’t the problem itself—it’s the result of a chronically over-activated nervous system.
5 Expert Tips to Reduce Stress & Increase Desire from a Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
Acknowledge What You’re Feeling
Start by recognizing that it’s okay to feel the way you do. It’s normal to pull away when your body is overwhelmed. The first step is letting go of the guilt and acknowledging that your reaction is valid.
Start With Small, Non-Sexual Gestures
Don’t pressure yourself to “fix” everything overnight. Instead, focus on small, non-sexual gestures of affection—like holding hands, sitting together, or even just cuddling. This helps rebuild trust in those moments without the pressure of sex. When you’re not worried about where the affection will lead, it’s easier to relax and reconnect.
Practice Stress-Relief Techniques Together
Since the impact of nervous system activation is a major culprit in low desire because of its impact on hormones, focusing on reducing stress together can make a huge difference. Try mindfulness exercises, breathing techniques, or even taking walks together to reduce your stress levels. By lowering your stress hormones, you’ll naturally start creating space for intimacy again.
Open Up Communication
Talk to your partner about how you’ve been feeling. It’s important they understand that your withdrawal isn’t about them—it’s about the way your body is responding to stress. A supportive conversation can help you both feel like you’re on the same team again.
Seek Help From a Professional
If you’re struggling to reset your intimacy and overcome low desire, it may be time to seek help from a professional. Working with a sex therapist in Philadelphia who specializes in low desire can give you the tools and guidance you need to move forward. Therapy can help you understand what’s happening in your body and how to work through it together.
It’s Not Too Late to Reconnect and Overcome Low Desire
Slowly but surely, once I started focusing on calming my nervous system and resetting my hormones, everything changed. The fear and distance began to disappear, and I started enjoying my partner’s touch again. Those playful moments that once caused stress turned back into affection I could actually feel good about.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, and afraid that your relationship won’t survive, the good news is: You can fix this. It’s not too late to reconnect and start enjoying intimacy again, but it starts with rebalancing your stress hormones.
If you’ve been pulling away from your partner’s touch and feel like you’re stuck in a cycle of stress and low desire, I’m here to help. As a sex therapist in Philadelphia, I work with women every day who feel exactly like you do—and I can show you how to reset your nervous system, lower your stress, and reconnect with your partner in a way that feels good for both of you.
Discover How to Increase Low Desire: Download my FREE guide from your favorite Sex Therapist in Philadelphia
If you’re interested in individual sex therapy in Philadelphia or couples therapy in Philadelphia, you can read more about how I can help with both by clicking their links.
My specialties include low sex drive, differential desires, communication, managing sexual stress and pressure, and increasing connection.
