Want to increase low sex drive? 9 Types of Intimacy from Your Philadelphia Sex Therapist
I’m Erinn, your Philadelphia Sex Therapist & Coach, and if you want to increase low sex drive, boosting different types of intimacy can help get you there.
9 Types of Intimacy and How to Boost These to Increase Sex Drive: Your Philadelphia Sex Therapist
Want to increase low sex drive? Boosts other types of intimacy
Intimacy includes MANY different things and goes beyond the conventional idea of physical closeness. While physical intimacy is a wonderful way to connect and an important part of intimacy, there are many other types of intimacy that contribute to the depth and richness of connections between you and your partner.
If you’ve been feeling low sex drive and have noticed you’ve started avoiding intimacy because it seems to lead to sex and that’s stressing you out, this one’s for you. To have better sex it’s important to recognize there are many other ways to connect. Boosting connection and intimacy in one area can boost connection in others, leading to more closeness, overall intimacy, and can actually help increase interest in sex and sex drive without feeling the dreaded pressure you feel now.
9 Types of Intimacy and How to Boost These to Increase Sex Drive
Physical Intimacy
What it includes: Cuddling/sharing space, kissing, hugging, holding hands, touching each other in passing, non-sexual massage and touch, etc.
Physical intimacy is a type of intimacy that typically comes to mind for most when thinking about intimacy. Physical touch is a great way to show and feel loved though every person is different in what feels good and how much of this they like. Talk to your partner about what type of touch feels good to both of you and how you can boost this.
Important note: Sometimes physical intimacy can get lumped in with sexual intimacy. And sometimes they go hand-in-hand and one can lead to the other. But, and here’s one of the most important points in this post: one type of intimacy doesn’t have to lead to another. You can engage in multiple types, or just one by itself. Want to cuddle but not have sex? Great. Want to trade massages without this leading to sex? Amazing. Want to kiss without things getting sexual? Wonderful. Physical touch doesn’t have to lead to sex. If you find yourself avoiding this type of intimacy because you’ve been feeling low sex drive and worry it will lead to sex, it’s time to talk with your partner.
Sexual Intimacy
What it includes: Sexual touch/massage, sex, sharing fantasies, sharing sexual needs and desire, everything you’d consider foreplay (yes, these activities count as sex!), etc.
Sexual intimacy involves a deep connection between partners through sexual expression and often is built on trust, open communication, and connection within the relationship. It's about understanding each other's desires, boundaries, and preferences, and communicating openly about your needs. To enhance sexual intimacy, prioritize open communication, explore new experiences, and prioritize both you and your partner’s pleasure and satisfaction. And don’t focus on the destination as much (orgasm) but instead try to stay present and enjoy the journey. This will help take some pressure off you, which can help increase that low desire.
Emotional Intimacy
What it includes: Sharing honestly, trust and caring, the ability to express feelings, etc.
Emotional intimacy is the foundation upon which many strong relationships are built. It involves sharing feelings, thoughts, fears, and aspirations with your partner without fear of these being judged or used against you. This type of intimacy requires trust, vulnerability, and active listening. To build emotional intimacy work to create a safe space where both you and your partner can express yourselves without judgment. This skill doesn’t always come easy, which is totally natural, but the more you practice, the better you’ll become and the more both of you can open up and experience the benefit of this type of intimacy. Engage in open conversations, practice empathy, and be present to build emotional closeness.
Mental Intimacy
What it includes: Sharing thoughts/opinions, having meaningful conversations, having shared values and goals, etc.
Mental intimacy, also called intellectual intimacy, revolves around sharing ideas, engaging in deep conversations, and respecting each other's perspectives, whether they’re similar or different. It's the connection that develops when you and your partner stimulate each other's minds, whether through debates, discussions, or collaborative learning. Think about how it feels to talk with your partner about mundane things like what you’re getting from the grocery store vs something that excites you, like your love of dogs. The latter of those involves more intellectual intimacy because it stimulates you in a different way. To boost intellectual intimacy, explore common interests, engage in thought-provoking discussions, and actively seek out opportunities to learn and grow together.
Spiritual Intimacy
What it includes: Shared purpose, understanding of each other’s beliefs, respect for differences, etc.
Spiritual intimacy can sometimes be thought of as including religious beliefs, and it absolutely can, but it doesn’t have to. We all engage in this type of intimacy in different ways within our relationships regardless of religious belief. This type of intimacy encompasses a shared sense of purpose and meaning in the world. It includes exploring life's profound questions together, supporting each other's journeys through life, and finding a sense of unity in what you value. To boost spiritual intimacy, spend time doing activities that resonate with your shared values, such as practicing mindfulness, volunteering, or spending time in nature.
Communicative Intimacy
What it includes: Being open and honest, being able to ask for your needs to be met, arguing respectfully whether you reach a resolution or not, etc.
Communicative intimacy involves being able to communicate respectfully, well, and productively, regardless of the topic you’re discussing. The majority of problems a couple faces together are what I can unsolvable problems, meaning there isn’t a clear resolution or fix to the issue. An example of this could be how you load the dishwasher. There may be no clear solution to this problem because you both believe your way is the best (and you KNOW your way is better). However, what’s important in your relationship isn’t how you load the dishwasher, it’s how you communicate about how you load the dishwasher and how you work to find common ground. It’s not about changing your partner, it’s about finding a way to navigate the difficulties in a helpful, productive way, and practicing communicative intimacy can help.
Experiential Intimacy
What it includes: Having new experiences, doing things together, solving problems together, etc.
Experiential intimacy is built through shared experiences and adventures. Whether it's traveling to new places, trying new activities, or simply spending quality time together, these shared moments create lasting bonds. It’s all about how you spend your time together, not necessarily what you spend your time doing. To boost experiential intimacy, make time for shared activities, plan adventures you’re both excited about, and create memories together.
Recreational Intimacy
What it includes: Hobbies- your own and each other’s, common interests, doing things together, etc.
Similar to experiential intimacy, recreational intimacy involves engaging in recreational activities together. It's about finding joy and connection in shared hobbies or interests, whether it's playing sports, cooking, painting, or any other activity you both enjoy. It can also be boosted through showing interest in each other’s hobbies, even if you’re not super interested, as a way to show you value your partner and want to understand and get more involved in their life and the things that bring them joy. To boost recreational intimacy, explore and engage in activities that bring you both happiness and relaxation.
Creative Intimacy
What it includes: Painting, drawing, gardening, cooking, music, solving problems, playing games, etc.
Creative intimacy thrives when partners engage in artistic or creative pursuits together. Bonus: creative outlets are an excellent way to decrease stress also. This could involve collaborating on a project, sharing artistic inspirations, or simply appreciating each other's creativity. To boost creative intimacy, explore creative outlets together, encourage each other's creative expression, and celebrate the things you create together.
Understanding and boosting the various types of intimacy can lead to more fulfilling and meaningful relationships. Each type of intimacy contributes to the overall depth and connection between you and your partner which can strengthen the emotional, intellectual, and physical aspects of your bond. And if one type of intimacy has been causing stress or pressure, the good news is that there are many other ways to connect. By exploring and boosting different types of intimacy you can create a well-rounded and resilient connection that feels good to both you and your partner.
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If you’re interested in individual sex therapy in Philadelphia or couples therapy in Philadelphia, you can read more about how I can help with both by clicking their links.
My specialties include low sex drive, differential desires, communication, managing sexual stress and pressure, and increasing connection.
